I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
