just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
