So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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