my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
