your room smells of hookers.
And success
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
