he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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