If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
