its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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