Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
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