Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
