I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I didn't notice because vodka
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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