I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
not ubering you a puppy
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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