I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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