Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Welp...herpes.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
