I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
