if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
why is half of my head shaved?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
