you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
