I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
