Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
