I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
