I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
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The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
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Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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