I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
