my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
love makes seman taste better
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
