If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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