Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It's Friday. Sex?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
