I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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