Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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