Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
