he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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