If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Let's paint friendship bongs
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
