How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
