I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
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