Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my shit smells like andre
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
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