Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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