new low.... made out with someone while peeing
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My ass is underappreciated
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
