so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
