You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
