i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
