At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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