I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He kissed a someone with a penis
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
