we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
