ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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