She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
third nipple confirmed
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
