Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
