I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
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Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
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Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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