Will you blow on my dice?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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