Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
