sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
