This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My pussy is not your playground.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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