found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
it's like iHOP with fire
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
