All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
