I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
