the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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