So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
