Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
