I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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