Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
