I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
