I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
