he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
