You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
