i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
