Sry I called you an 8
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
