first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
