cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
