The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
