This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
