Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
