the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
