sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
