I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
we made out on top of his cat.
Farmville is her only friend.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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