Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
