I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
this just has baby written all over it
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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