I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
