Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
