you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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