My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
