I bet he comes in French.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
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It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
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I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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