you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
love makes seman taste better
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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