this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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