Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
