Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
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dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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